things that make me smiley and twinkley-eyed

in the spirit of gratitude, i plan to begin my days with a meditative appreciation of the little things that make me happy.

in honour of a lovely friend-soul that just passed away two days ago, *miss beth* i have vowed to use my energy to focus on the gifts and sunshine in my life.

1. my friend will's beautiful music. check it: http://www.myspace.com/willfournier

2. people like will who remind us that we are free, connected, beautiful, and here to love each other.

3. kombucha. being slightly afraid of the little kombucha organism bobbing around in the tea, and then swallowing it anyways! :O

4. my little amethyst friends who hang out in my bedroom and keep everything fresh and clear. and all my other little crystal children too!

5. dirty bare feet.

*love & light*

*ker-plunK*

sometimes i just need an outlet. even if i'm not necessarily being creative, or productive, or positive, it's important for me to have a place to unleash the weird peculiarities and fearsome worries that sometimes get locked up in this silly mind of mine.

(left: nature of mind, by alex gray*)

i save these writings for my personal journal. when i go back and read some of these entries, i laugh at how funny and ridiculous some of my worries can be. but sometimes it just takes voicing my feelings and putting them into words and semi-coherent ideas in order to realize how silly and nonsensical they are. and it takes up way more energy to hold those feelings inside than to just let them tumble, or crash, on out.



writing into a place where i know i am understood and accepted unconditionally, i know that i am welcomed and loved. i know that in this enveloping love and acceptance i can find my way again, since almost all imbalances and energy blockages are the result of an absence of divine love. when i remember that i am loved and accepted unconditionally, i regain my intuitive ability to differentiate between the thoughts and things that serve me and those that do not.


***


writing in a blog has been a big leap for me. it's not that i don't feel vulnerable or gaping-open and exposed when i write about personal things, it's that i have come to the realization that we are not separate: that we all experience pain, insecurity, sorrow, revelation, joy and ecstasy, all together, and sharing with others helps me to humble myself in each and every one of these experiences, and to create a wider and deeper space for compassion inside my own heart. i know that if you judge me because of these things, maybe you just have not accepted your emotional or hurting self. i know that when i judge myself, i create a divide that only alienates me from my own self and subsequently from others, and i think that the toxicity in these "down" moments is not the low feelings themselves but the judgments we attach to them.



there's nothing negative about pain, except that we are taught to judge it as such. it's in the deep, dark places that our roots grow, and the deeper they are, the higher our branches can reach towards the sky. these dark, shadow aspects are what make us most powerful, compassionate, grounded, and balanced.


***


any time i despair, or feel alone, sad, scared, angry, i step outside of myself and observe myself from above, from the divine, and this always helps me put it into proper perspective. i see this perspective as my great divine mother, and sometimes even as my dying self reflecting on my own life and telling me how to respond to each situation from this perspective. viewing life as impermanent, and thinking about my "dying self" is not in any way morbid, because for me it is a way of remembering to drink the juices of each moment. it helps me to reflect on how i would wish myself to live if i were on my last few breaths, how i would wish i had lived my life.

i'm with dave matthews... i can't believe that we would lie in our graves, wondering if we had spent our living days well, dreaming of things that might've been...

*Love & Light*

self-existing

"One of the gifts of White Dog is the calling in and recognition of other companions of destiny. Other beings with the same longing are waiting to meet and acknowledge you - beings who can see you as you authentically are.

"This is a natural process, divinely designed for recognition through vibrational affinity, freed from personal expectations. White Dog can be seen as an access point for developing relationships with guides, totems, allies and guardians. There are many ways to work with these spiritual guides, including guided visualizations, shamanic journeys, and meditation. A useful construct is viewing them as aspects of yourself, part of your life stream that is asking to be integrated. Remember, there is no 'other'. In this grand adventure, you are being asked to embody all that you are.

"Profound insights are garnered through shared purpose and relationship with others who are willing to be in their truth and integrity about the light and shadow aspects they perceive in themselves.

"The expression of intimacy is a gift of love; the lack of it may be a symptom asking for honest communication and healing. It may also be guiding you to reevaluate your relationship and the purpose it is serving.

"White Dog signals a breakthrough in your life: new beginnings, new perceptions, new allies and friends. As you express more authentically who you are, you draw your true family closer to you.With your guides and companions, you have the ability to manifest your inspired visions and dreams. Recognize the eyes and hearts that spark the remembrance of a sacred trust.

"The harmonic wisdom of White Dog is affinity, the attraction of like vibration or substances for one another. Spiritual affinity is not limited to family kinship - it is part of the natural affinity between companions of destiny. Such companions of are drawn together by the same aligned force that draws iron filings to a magnet. Companions of destiny are drawn togther to do work that is naturally harmonious.

"On the surface at times, it may seem that you have little in common with these companions, yet the attraction remains. This is because Essence Selves are often committed to work together long before they meet in the physical world. This is a natural process of affinity, rather than a process motivated from personal desire. Follow this guidance into your unfoldment within the larger pattern."

everything is exactly as it should be.

fear versus life.

often when you fall in love, people are quick to tell you to "be careful,"

to remind you that you should be afraid and that there is potential danger ahead.

certainly, before any of us have met our match, we have been sifted through a small collection of lovers that have more or less left us with patchworked hearts and a zillion unconscious fears that keep us from loving fully.

this is where i am. i am in love, whilst consciously observing my emotions and intentions and de-conceptualizing my perceptions of love. for i know that what many of us think to be love is not love, it is greed. i now realize though, with help from Osho, that being able to love is not about learning how to love, but unlearning the ways of un-love. falling in love is the only teacher that can help me to face my little demons, and i am steadfast in this journey to let go of all that i am not ~ to fully immerse myself in the swirling pink energy that is encompassing my heart and teaching me the ways of loving unconditionally. love is not for me, it is for life.

despite these little ideas i have about love, i've been watching my subconscious self on this little love-stage, and am taking my emotional reactions as teachers in order to learn where i need to grow. the obstacle i am currently focusing on is fear. every one of my apprehensions about this relationship are related to fear.

so what is fear, anyway? i suppose it is an emotional, instinctual reaction that is created for survival purposes to keep us from harm - to get us out of situations that threaten our well being. when we have been hurt many times after trusting our hearts in the hands of others, our brains create an association that these situations lead to heartbreak, and fear kicks in to remind us of the "danger" ahead. i have been fearful lately because of the intense, heightened level of emotional intimacy that i am experiencing in this new relationship, and i have noticed these warning signs popping up, telling me to hide away in my shell in order to avoid the surrender and subsequent "hurt" that lies ahead.

when following our instincts, it is important to distinguish between those derived from our intuitions and those derived from social conditioning and fear. fear arises to protect our well being, but it also serves the purpose of keeping us exactly where we are, comfortably, and ensures that we do not stray too far from our mundane and ordinary paths. those people who find extreme joy and revelation, who accomplish great things and seek to manifest their dreams, they would not have done so had they listened to their fear.

fear is the opposite of life, of love. love asks that you surrender, let go... dive in head first and trust that the universe will catch you. whichever way the wind blows, you will end up where you're meant to.

trust.

love's unspoken secrets.

my last post seems to have served as a kind of foreshadowing for something later to come. i wrote it right after meeting a sweet prince who showed me a little flickering taste of love's joys and tenderness, and found myself awe-struck at the possibility that such a thing really exists, and that there really are men out there who could be right for me. but there are so many kinds of love.

contrary to what i thought at the time, this was not real love but a playful preview or glimpse of it. a few days after that, i found myself pulled to go away on a spontaneous weekend trip that seemed absolutely necessary, despite the 700 reasons why i really should have stayed home.

on the 8-hour drive to ottawa, us three girls could feel a building of magic and energy that we unconsciously knew was going to lead up to something fantastic and otherworldly. in hindsight we recognize that our intuitions were so incredibly correct. that evening we arrived at the home of a sunshiney group of men who were so warm and welcoming that we immediately knew they were our brothers. then, something started to happen to me.

without conscious effort or awareness, i became drawn to adam as his words and energy slowly hypnotized me into a floaty-blissful stupor that made my body sweat and my eyes and skin twinkle and shine. every idea he brought up in conversation paralleled with those things i had been meditating on in the past few months and had been discussing on the drive up with the ladies. i know that every little part of our individual paths had lead us up to that very moment where we would meet as equals to share a connection stronger than anything my body has ever been accustomed to. the universe had conspired for us to meet. as soon as i felt it, i knew that i had opened the doors to the universe and ever since then it's gifts have been pouring into my life and filling every dark corner of my soul with light. i am soul-iverse.

he is my white overtone world bridger, my higher self and guide. i am his 'little' white self-existing dog, hee hee!
together we are yellow electric warrior; our energies combined will take us on a return path to the stars. alone we are powerful but together, through trust, we journey to the place of 'no time' and limitless light. There we will undergo the transformations to embody solar heart and mind.

http://astrodreamadvisor.com/free_mayan_readings.html

with so much love and a melting-into-eachother connection, we could easily lose ourselves in eachother and it would probably be worth it. however, the temporary distance between us affords us the space to learn to love eachother while pursuing our individual paths and maintaining our own spirit's light, only burning brighter and stronger now that we have found each other's energy within ourselves, and so it can never be lost no matter how distance attempts to deceive us. this is too much of a good thing for it to come that easily.

there is much more to this story, but some of the soul's secrets are too sacred to share; their magic can only be contained and understood in the language of the spirit.

"We were both silent, each waiting for the other to speak, but speech is not the only means of understanding between two souls. It is not the syllables that come from the lips and tongues that bring hearts together.There is something greater and purer than what the mouth utters. Silence illuminates our souls, whispers to our hearts, and brings them together. Silence separates us from ourselves, makes us sail the firmament of spirit, and brings us closer to Heaven; it makes us feel that bodies are no more than prisons and that this world is only a place of exile." -Kahlil Gibran, The Broken Wings

fly on the wall of your heart

come out, come on, come outside.
don't you hide your handsome face from me,
I wanna see you half-lit in the half-light
laughing with the whites of your dark eyes
shining
darkly

way over yonder, I'm waiting and wondering
wither your fonder heart lies

come out, the streets are breathing
heaving green to red to green
come with your nicotine and wine
tambourine keeping time
come and find me in the evening

way over yonder, I'm waiting and wondering
wither your fonder heart lies
way over yonder, I'm waiting and wondering
wither your fonder heart lies

come out, come inspired
you will not come to harm
if I cannot take you for a liar or a lover
I'll take you for my brother in arms

way over yonder, I'm waiting and wondering
wither your fonder heart lies
way over yonder, I'm waiting and wondering
wither your fonder heart lies

~~~~anais mitchell*

*i fell in love :)
i am speechless.

up, up, and away ~

despair, rejection, deep-seated fears of being nothing: empty, hollow. as compared with others who, of course, are something.

that my pain is in some way, fundamentally "different" from everyone else's, that my intrinsic inability to find a sense of self that is permanent and stable means i am forever destined to be alone; afraid.

what is real and what is illusion?

my answer is that i am nothing. but everything is nothing. therefore, nothing is everything. nothing is everything; everything is nothing.

just this morning i realized that my fundamental nothingness is not something to despair or deny, but something to embrace. it is the gateway to becoming everything i want, to being open to every kind of energy that radiates about this universe. that it is all contained within me, and you, and every little thing.

a few months ago in the autumn i wrote to my dear friend scott a reflection on a meditation experience that i would like to share here. scott is a very very dear friend of mine who i am so so blessed to have. :)

October 15, 2008

...*We were doing meditation at the end of class, laying on our backs on our mats in the dark, sweet soft music playing with birds chirping...and I was imagining my soul becoming free from my body and swirling in the wind with the leaves ...then being immersed in ocean water crashing into the shore with the waves, just in time with my in and out breaths. I also imagined myself with the singing birds perched atop a tree branch in the mornings after sleep, ready again to join my friends and enjoy the morning sun with bird song!! All of it, the seasons, the turning of the tide, the ebb and flow of nature, reminded me of how we as people also move in this way, through joy and sorrow or love and hatred...never staying in one emotion or state for very long and only with the promise that it will go but that it will also return in time. Mmmmm... and it reminded me to revel in the moment and to just 'be' the emotion I'm feeling without getting attached, yet to immerse myself in it like the leaves tumble across the ground with the wind, soon to settle and experience something new. I have never experienced anything like this in meditation. I found myself smiling over and over again, and thinking also how in some way it may seem sad that the leaves are falling off the trees to die...but when they do they get to tumble about the ground as if they are dancing and moving freely without being bound to the earth (or well the tree) any longer...I guess it was my first really personal experience with the idea of death and yet understanding how intimately life and death are related. Osho (from a book I am reading) says that you cannot love life until you love death. I always had trouble with that but now I think I'm starting to understand*...

"I believe in everything, nothing is sacred. I believe in nothing, everything is sacred."

-Tom Robbins, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues

"When a dewdrop slips from a lotus leaf into the ocean it does not find that it is part of the ocean, it finds it is the ocean. And to find it is the ultimate goal, the ultimate realization. There is nothing beyond it."

-Osho

la lune.

I had a really excellent yoga class last night. I'm talkin' dripping sweat, can't stand in downward-dog-cause-your-mat's-too-slippery, can-barely-move-the-next-day good. I love playing the why-I-love-yoga game; my list of reasons changes and expands daily, but today I am especially loving the dose of humility it brings me, and the way my practice allows me to open my eyes to my own ability for growth and change over time. Last night's yoga + my sister visiting from Barrie = a smiley me. She had an early engagement today so we had a little breakfast of raisin bread, bananas and tea and I played her Joanna Newsom's The Milk-Eyed Mender while helping her deal with her (incredibly long) hair. (Right now all I'm thinking is mmmmm... raisin bread.)

After she left, I got all gung-ho about my blog and started to customize it with all these little gadget-thingers...what fun! I'm just gonna put it out there: the internet friggin' rocks. My love for it may be bordering on addiction, but I figure it's better than watching tv. You know those times that you just feel good, not necessarily about anything in general but just, positive, excited? In those moments all I can say to express it is..... I LOVE.

Don't get the wrong impression here. I'm not positive or happy all the time. But I'm learning not to get all hung-up-running when my emotions dip into sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and so on. My tendency is usually to run around in my brain all the possible reasons for said "negative" emotions, desperately trying to make them go away--which I think may just be breeding confusion about emotions that are natural, rather than just letting them flow. On the other hands, sometimes emotional reactions can be manifestations of deeper psychological issues, which I believe are worth exploring.

Fierce Moon: this is about me finding my roots in my wild-goddess-self, my ultra-feminine fierceness, rather than suffocating under the superimposed, socially-conceived conceptions of what I, as a woman, should be. The moon is a significant symbol of the feminine, and planetary influence for me both as a cancer sign and a woman, and I am all about embracing and loving my womanhood, and yours too. Feminism is not about man-hating, it is about woman-loving. "Feminists" do not hate men; rather, they seek to change the male-dominated systems that structure our world. Ever since I was a child I had always thought that I had to be nice, that I had to do the nice thing. If someone did me wrong, being nice and forgiving was the way to deal with it. My feelings have changed a lot since then, and I want this new chapter to be all about letting go of those expectations and listening to my inner Kali, my own feminine strength and power that has been lying dormant all these years. Kindness and forgiveness are important, but so is assertiveness.

This is about finding a balance; being my authentic self.

sweet-honey hues of love

the secret life of bees is one of my favourite fiction novels. it was recently made into a film, but the book is oh-so-much better. it's a lovely read about the healing and transformative powers of love; one of those that leaves you feeling snuggled-cozy with positivity and the possibility for change.

..::in this little blog i tend to write a lot about self-improvement, my funny little thoughts and wannabe-pearls-of-wisdom. usually when i write about something, it is following some huge epiphany i've just had that is the result of me finally finding my way out of a maze after making a bazillion wrong turns and hitting walls. the thing is, i'm only out of one little maze within a maze within another maze within another one, and that will probably continue to exist until the day i die, and that is life...i think. and the chances are that i will probably find myself moseying about in that same conundrum again a month later, until i remember that i know how to get out. i'm silly like that.

and as with love, i guess the reason i'm all about it is because i need it so, and lucky for me, i have so many amazing people in my life who fill me up with so much of it that i begin overflowing with it, and thus have so much to give. so...you can thank them. hmmm... maybe the way we give love away is like the way a mailperson delivers letters, except the sender and recipient are not necessarily specified (or are they?!?!)... maybe not such a good analogy, but this is the way my mind works. haha. maybe we just soak up all different energies from the universe and carry it around with us, channeling it into art, music, exchanges with others...a continuous flow of energy. unfortunately it's not always positive, but it's real nonetheless, and the process is pretty amazing if you look at it that way.

something that is rather new to me is the concept of self-love. at first it was such a far-out idea for me that i couldn't do it. eventually i learned to give myself love by imagining the way i would give someone else love...and by doing that i felt like i was channeling in to some kind of shared supply that we all have access to, if we believe in it, and felt washed over with this feeling of oneness that felt so... primitive and cosmic. but even this requires that we have positive relationships and experiences with others that lend themselves to this type of feeling, that we know what love feels like, and well... that's kind of what the secret life of bees is all about.

anyway, without any further ado, i would like to post the quote that i logged on here to share with you. it's from the book, and i hope you enjoy it.

"I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called 'bee yard etiquette.' She reminded me that the world was one really big bee yard, and the same rules worked fine in both places: Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates, while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved." -Sue Monk Kidd

a slice of humble pie.

tonight i had the chance to come face-to-face with some [constructive] criticism, from someone other than myself... which was much-needed, i've decided. it's funny to think that people actually read this stuff, and nice to have someone around to tell me when i'm wrong.

thanks for that.

i think that one of the reasons i want to help people is because i have a great deal of tolerance for people suffering from various personal troubles: i have been an emotional basketcase for most of my life, and have probably spent more of my energy analyzing and reflecting on the work of my mind than on anything else. but along with my empathy for others comes this subconscious expectation that others should be able to recover from similar experiences using the same routes that i have. sometimes i can get a little too preach-y, and the end result is that the person just feels worse because my attempts have left them feeling as though they don't have the resources to solve their own problems. f$%k, i wish i didn't do that. i really don't mean to be condescending. i have to remind myself regularly that sometimes wisdom is knowing when not to speak.

i guess that's the risk you take when you log in one of these public blogs: that you may offend someone with the way you say things, and get in trouble... especially when the very important nonverbal element of communication is absent. it's unavoidable, really, and there's no way i can truthfully speak my mind without stirring up some kind of objection. that being said, i really appreciate being challenged and having someone give that creeping ego of mine a slap on the wrist. sometimes i don't even know that my ego is involved until it is assaulted, and man i hate admitting that i'm on an ego trip, but always feel thankful for the humility vibe that reminds me where i really stand.

so thanks, you.

this little light of mine...

All right, it's time for a rant.

I am not dumb, naïve, ignorant, or crazy. Well, maybe a little crazy-- but even so I would consider that one of my positive traits. But this is something I really need to express because I want to use this feeling productively rather than repress it and allow it to turn to anger.

Okay, so: the world is in bad shape and good old-fashioned morality has taken a backseat to greed, power, image and the ol' dollar sign. Yeah, it sucks. Big time. People have learned to devote so much importance and value to their individual lives that many no longer feel a need or obligation to take the well-being of others or the environment into consideration when making personal choices. Those who are mindful and aware of this look upon the state of our society with shame, and I am one of those people. I understand your cynicism, and I feel your disgust.

There is also a lot of garbage in our minds. (garbage=negativity, apathy, falsehoods, etc.). Not only are we accepting of the poisons in the air but we are accepting of the poisons in our brains, and the funny thing is that many of the poisons in our brains drive us to allow the (literal and metaphorical) poisons in the air to continue. I see these problems, I know that we need a change. Somehow people have come to the conclusion that the best way to respond to these social ills is to participate in the fiasco by adopting negative attitudes, while looking upon optimism and happiness as a by-product of ignorance, blindness or naïveté. I encourage you to change your perspective: to consider that someone who is able to find happiness amidst the whole worldly mess may just be smarter than the cynics, touched with wisdom and a vision of something greater than the physical world as we perceive it.

This kind of disposition is something that I strive for. I see the greed, I see the tragedy, I see the violence. But what difference does it make to assimilate ourselves with everyone else, in shock and horror, allowing these feelings to kill our spirits and taint our interactions with others, interactions with such potential for meaning, affection, and change? Change is a loaded word these days. It begins with you. If our thoughts are clouds, then accept them, let them rain a little if you will (cuz we know our eyes must do some rainin' if we're ever gonna grow (thank you bright eyes)) and let them pass... let the sunshine through. If we hold on to all the thoughts, the negative messages, the dark stormy clouds overcasting the light, we have no hope of finding happiness, seeing the sunshine. Can you dig it?

"Reality is subjective, and there is an unenlightened tendency in this culture to regard something as "important" only if it is sober, drab and severe.When you're unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. And you get to take yourself oh so very seriously. Your truly happy people, which is to say, your people who truly LIKE themselves, they don't think about themselves very much. Your unhappy person resents it when you try to cheer him up because it means he has to stop dwelling on himself and start paying attention to the universe. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence." -Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume

om shanti shanti shanti

b-l-i-s-s.

for some experiences there are no words. at one time i thought this was my own inability to articulate, but now i know it is because those experiences be the most divine, the most transcendental, the most blissful. they are beyond the symbology of language and cut across that barrier which often divides us.

in honour~i will expand on moments of emptiness and fill them with love so that they may grow. i will share my wealth with others especially if it is joy, and know that i can only burn brighter by sharing that which makes me shine.

i am thankful for today's hot pink setting sun, and for this toothy canvas of a planet upon which natural and breathtaking beauty manifests itself every day. may we see this beauty as a reflection of our own and regard ourselves and others as beautiful for what we are.

after everything i have learned thus far, i can only say with absolute certainty that my greatest purpose in this life is to love, and to spread and share what i have found with everyone and everything that i can. i may not see my beliefs and ideals reflected around me but i will give them life through my own actions. in the words of mr. robbins, "if you want to change the world, you must change yourself." or in the words of mr. gandhi "you must be the change you wish to see in the world".

may you look within and find your own peace, and know your own heart to be your compass.

.:namaste:.*

why are you here?

sometimes when i wake up in the morning, i do this thing where i sit up in bed, think about my dreams and evaluate my post-dream-state ~state of mind. then i grab my journal and try to put into words the morning-frazzle of thoughts floating around in there, in effort to come to some kind of mindful awareness of where i am and what i'm feeling.

lately i have been thinking a lot about my comfort zone and my fears, and i can't help but notice that many of my dreams are filled with wonky little manifestations of my fears being fulfilled or overcome. sometimes they are deep-seated subconscious fears, like my old recurring dream where i am the only person in a fast-moving car, but stuck in the passenger's seat and unable to reach the brakes to make the car stop. other times they are just little scenarios about something i'm currently concerned about. either way, i like how i can later sort of 'witness' my dreams like an outsider and learn something about myself from them.

last night in my dreams i went to a yoga in constant motion class, and it was much less scary than i had anticipated-- although my dream didn't last long enough to play through the entire experience. no doubt this happened because i had yoga last night and my instructor told me that i should come to yoga in constant motion on thursday (tonight) to make up a missed class. my choice is between a level 2 class which may not be very challenging, or the constant motion class which will probably push me about as far as i can go. my level 3 class is usually enough of a challenge for me, so i'm a bit nervous about the constant motion class.

so...why does any of this matter? well... i suppose it has lead me to re-evaluate why i am doing yoga in the first place. or...to make the question even more expansive: what am i doing here at all, since the yoga journey is inherently connected and paralleled with the life-journey. if it is for the ego, then all of my efforts are in vain, because as Ram Dass puts it, "as long as you have an ego, you are on a limited trip". i will not deny that my ego has a role, and i am glad that i am learning to recognize this now rather than later...since i sure have a long way to go and that ego is a real heavy piece of luggage to drag around.

it's time to step-up the ego-watching center and start thinking about intentionality: what am i doing here? what am i looking for? what do i hope to accomplish? why? shame and guilt are not feelings i wish to foster, however, so *self-compassion* is going to be key. love yourself first, and everything else will fall into place.

transcend transcend transcend~*

honk if you love menstruation!

here is a brandy new ani song, i really love it a lot and i hope you do too!

~splinters~

Something about this landscape just don't feel right
Hyper air conditioned and lit up all night
But we just got to see how comfortable comfortable can get
Like we can't even bring ourselves to sweat
Like we can't even bring ourselves to sweat
Sweat in the summer, shiver in the winter
Just enough to know that we're alive
Watch out for that tv it's full of splinters
And remember you can always go outside
Really really really really far outside

Some might call it conservation
Some might call it common sense
And maybe its because I am Libra
But I say balance, balance, balance, balance
I say balance, balance, balance, balance
Who put all this stuff in my apartment
Who put all this ice in my drink
Who put the poison in the atmosphere
Who put the poison in the way I think

Oh women, won't you be our windows?
Women who bleed and bleed and bleed
Women who swell with the tide
Women who change when the wind blows
Show us, we are not separate from everything
Show us we are connected to everything
Heres to the trials of living
Heres to feeling our share of pain
All the way from childbirth to dying
Staying connected to everything
Being connected to everything

note to self:

believe

it

and

it

is.

many of us have an easier time welcoming misery into our lives than welcoming joy. what if it is a choice? maybe happiness is so difficult to hold on to because it is so simple: it just requires letting go of all the criticisms, the self-absorbed tendencies to pick-and-prod at every little thing we do not like about ourselves. it's time to reject the quick-fix prescriptions of a culture which trains us first to believe that we are flawed, and second to believe that we can buy the various solutions to fix ourselves up. madness!!!

so: i have been trying to replace my old patterns with newer, healthier ones. following this course of thought, every time i feel upset about something that is "wrong" with me, i want to first accept this thought as a thought, and then shift my attention towards something for which i am grateful. today, i am grateful for my toes. all ten digits, and the balancing they provide for me every-single-day. i promise i will think of you every time i stand in natarajasana or virabhadrasana III, and i will try not to paint you in the winter months so that your nails do not fall off.

this entry is dedicated to my toes: my favourite balancing partners.

Life is an illusion. Manifest your own reality.