often when you fall in love, people are quick to tell you to "be careful,"
to remind you that you should be afraid and that there is potential danger ahead.
certainly, before any of us have met our match, we have been sifted through a small collection of lovers that have more or less left us with patchworked hearts and a zillion unconscious fears that keep us from loving fully.
this is where i am. i am in love, whilst consciously observing my emotions and intentions and de-conceptualizing my perceptions of love. for i know that what many of us think to be love is not love, it is greed. i now realize though, with help from Osho, that being able to love is not about learning how to love, but unlearning the ways of un-love. falling in love is the only teacher that can help me to face my little demons, and i am steadfast in this journey to let go of all that i am not ~ to fully immerse myself in the swirling pink energy that is encompassing my heart and teaching me the ways of loving unconditionally. love is not for me, it is for life.
despite these little ideas i have about love, i've been watching my subconscious self on this little love-stage, and am taking my emotional reactions as teachers in order to learn where i need to grow. the obstacle i am currently focusing on is fear. every one of my apprehensions about this relationship are related to fear.
so what is fear, anyway? i suppose it is an emotional, instinctual reaction that is created for survival purposes to keep us from harm - to get us out of situations that threaten our well being. when we have been hurt many times after trusting our hearts in the hands of others, our brains create an association that these situations lead to heartbreak, and fear kicks in to remind us of the "danger" ahead. i have been fearful lately because of the intense, heightened level of emotional intimacy that i am experiencing in this new relationship, and i have noticed these warning signs popping up, telling me to hide away in my shell in order to avoid the surrender and subsequent "hurt" that lies ahead.
when following our instincts, it is important to distinguish between those derived from our intuitions and those derived from social conditioning and fear. fear arises to protect our well being, but it also serves the purpose of keeping us exactly where we are, comfortably, and ensures that we do not stray too far from our mundane and ordinary paths. those people who find extreme joy and revelation, who accomplish great things and seek to manifest their dreams, they would not have done so had they listened to their fear.
fear is the opposite of life, of love. love asks that you surrender, let go... dive in head first and trust that the universe will catch you. whichever way the wind blows, you will end up where you're meant to.