Wednesday, April 28, 2010

mirror me you

the oneness of which we are all a part
lends itself to the analogy that
we are all mirrors.

and while i know in my heart that this is true,
i can't help but wonder,
can i really be so perfect and beautiful,
trusting, loving and caring, such as the being that i see when i look at you?
could that really be me, too?

just when i thought your light couldn't get any brighter,
you came into my heart, filled it gently with your luminescence,
and lit up every once-dark corner of my being with your light.

slowly and with hesitation,
i stepped out of the way so that you could see my cobwebs.
one by one they came into your view.
eager to be loved, begging to be known.

and in this i have learned that
it is one thing to love yourself,
but entirely another to let someone love you.

for while we can identify our gifts and our lovable qualities,
and work hard to magnify them,
we are not truly loving ourselves if we stuff our shadows in the closet
and suffocate our fears.

a true love will bring them all to the surface.
and to be honest,
this process is far from easy.
it is terrifying.

but at that point when those hushed parts of yourself
come up from beneath the dark earth
to be held in the light of the sun,
your love will show you
that you are nothing short of pure, lovable beauty.

and you will know what it feels like
to be cradled in the arms of God.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

the never-ending journey.

you know that moment after a particularly challenging or confusing phase of life where you finally come to meet understanding, and think to yourself, "okay life, i've got you figured out now" ? and you feel so free, and clear, and on top of the world? i do. it's a wonderful feeling. it feels like you've reached your destination. you're there. you made it.

with this insatiable passion for understanding i have, this moment is no stranger to me. which means i have also come to know the uncomfortable, questioning, lost, in-between moment that precedes it very well too. what i have noticed in myself and in others is that we all just want to hold on to the feeling of blissful understanding forever. but the thing is that, as long as we are incarnated in these bodies, on this earth plane, we have lessons to learn. this means that life in itself it is a journey in which we are constantly cycling through the purification of challenges, and renewal in the lessons they bring and the understanding that springs forth from this beautiful process.

i want to cultivate the ability to move through these challenges with trust. to not despair at my inability to make sense of things when life gets confusing. to know that nothing is lost in the eyes of God, and by following my heart, no matter where I am, my divine guidance will lead me back home. even more... to love and relish in the feeling of finding my way through the unknown and the sweeter-than-sweet feeling of finally finding what it is i am looking for. but this time, i sit in humbled gratitude and pray, "dearest god and goddess, i now know that i know nothing".

"Outside, the world I had watched for so long was living and breathing on the same earth I now was. But I knew I would not go out. I had taken this time to fall in love instead—in love with the sort of helplessness I had not felt in death—the helplessness of being alive, the dark bright pity of being human—feeling as you went, groping in corners and opening your arms to light—all of it part of navigating the unknown."
-Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones

Friday, April 9, 2010

be like water

life happens. sometimes when i can feel my buzzy-high-i'm-so-full-of-love-i-don't-even-need-to-eat transforming into i'm-a-bit-lost-and-i'm-not-sure-what's-going-on, i get clingy. sometimes i am afraid to let go of the high, because i'm afraid of some of the patterns of my past, or maybe because i am afraid that letting go means saying good-bye rather than see you later. but when i take a moment to sit back, rise above and observe my thoughts and my life, i remember how many times i've told myself that i can trust the process of life. it's okay. everything is in perfect, divine order.

furthermore, i also believe that the spiritual path is not all sunshine and roses, but, if anything, it is about being authentic. i am human. i make mistakes, i make judgments sometimes, and i can be a perfectionist and quite hard on myself from time to time. with mindfulness, i have learned to observe myself from an objective place where i've caught many little blunders in thinking; too much thinking often being the greatest of them all. but guilt has no place here - because i know that catching myself in these moments is just another opportunity to be more loving, accepting, and true to my highest self. it's not the error in thinking or feeling, but what we do with it that matters. i am learning to be okay with falling down; seeing it as an opportunity to love myself even more, to experience unconditional self-love, to create even more space for compassion and empathy in my heart.

"...and when i feel like this, i still love me."

please enjoy this poem i found today...

Be like water,
elusive to the grasping touch,
persistently gentle
in eroding the unyielding,
flexible in entering
where nothing solid can block
its curious searching,

So mutably soft,
safe from harm
or being destroyed
in simply changing form
and returning again,
overcoming the hard,

Steady drip, drip, drip
of resolute kindness
becoming a large lake of serenity,
a reservoir
where evil cannot enter,

Be like water,
flowing everywhere,
gushing, sometimes shooting,
aerated, slippery, and pure,
containing a message of spiritual reverence
nourishing thirsty souls
with regenerating sustenance,
even in the midst
of world-wide sorrow,

Be like water,
with strength
so like the Tao,
you get it
by relaxing into the river,
and letting go.

-Gordon Neumann

Many blessings to you*~
In Lak'ech ~ I am another you.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

my heart.

my heart is heavy with love for you,
that i am afraid i must withhold.
i don't know if i can trust myself, for my expression is more than just a freeing of the delicate bird living in this cage.
it is a request for a home within your heart, and, an offer to make a home for you within mine, again.
no one else has moved in since you left,
and, to be honest,
i really do not think i will ever want to share the secret spaces of this heart-home with anyone other than you.
i've never wanted to have to draw a map for anyone, and you never needed one.
that's how i know that you belong here.

is it possible that i could love you so much, that i don't even want to tell you for fear that the re-opening of that storybook could perhaps be to your detriment?
i know that the story is not over, and i am not one to leave stories unfinished.
but can you forgive me for postponing the unfolding of its pages?
you know i always fall asleep in the middle of these things.

so now i dance to my heart's song on tip-toes.

i want to tell you how beautiful you are to me every day.
i want to learn to see God in everything as i discover beauty in unexpected places within you.
i want to merge our inner worlds, hold hands and squish our bare toes into the muddy paths of our hearts during life's rainstorms.
i want to believe for myself that i am as beautiful as you've always known,
and i want to witness love's bounty by burning through my resistance to your love.
for in this purification i know i will find and know only my truest self, my home, my haven, my heart.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

a conversation with my higher self

Sometimes when I am struggling with an odd or uncomfortable feeling or emotion, I need to sit down and have a conversation with myself. I always thought that the answers I found in these moments miraculously came from within me, but now I see that it is all coming through me, as I align myself with the One Universal Mind. It makes much more sense to me now, to understand that all of this wisdom I somehow just happened to have came from my all-knowing, higher self, and from my angels.

This morning I needed a little guidance, so I opened up my journal and put pen to paper. The message that came out is something that I have learned many times before, but seemed to have forgotten. It's funny, though, because this message was written with my hand but it felt like it was being directed to me,, and yet, from something greater. My higher self. When I clear my mind, all the answers I need are available to me as long as I ask for them and quietly listen. And I think that writing is one of my clearest channels for receiving these messages. Here is the message I received today.

Most importantly: accept what you feel, and accept yourself for feeling it. Do not judge yourself. Emotions happen; they are fluid and ever-changing, always in motion. Rejecting them creates dissonance and fear because it alienates you from yourself and your experience. Instead, lovingly look the emotion in the eye and ask what it has come to teach you. Learn to love each and every emotion you experience, because it will likely return to you again sometime, and it is better to flow through it and see its blessings and lessons than to force it to leave and fear its return.

Approach your emotions and your weeds with love and curiosity, and without judgment; without getting attached or worrying that they are permanent. Trust in the process of life and know that all is well. Bask in the perfect love that is you, right now.

One perfect love in every moment.
Om shanti*~

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Sometimes when I think of you, I wonder about the world on the other side of the door we did not open. Will we open that door some other time, in a far off future, another dimension than this, complete what we started on that luminous night? There is more to say, though we have not the language. There is more to see, though we have not the eyes. There is more to love, though we have not the heart....

As yet, my love. As yet. For I believe in the power of love, and the magnetic draw of planets to their orbits. And you are drawn to encircle me as I am drawn to encircle you. Encircle each other we will forever, for our orbits are bound to one another's pull. The central sun has determined that, and its light, however dim or however bright, however central to our vision or merely peripheral and at times ignored, shall always call us back to our hearts. And back at home, in the haven of love, we will always find each other. I will be there, if only for a moment, and I will say to you, each and every time, "I remember, my darling. This is home to me."
~Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love