I had a really excellent yoga class last night. I'm talkin' dripping sweat, can't stand in downward-dog-cause-your-mat's-too-slippery, can-barely-move-the-next-day good. I love playing the why-I-love-yoga game; my list of reasons changes and expands daily, but today I am especially loving the dose of humility it brings me, and the way my practice allows me to open my eyes to my own ability for growth and change over time. Last night's yoga + my sister visiting from Barrie = a smiley me. She had an early engagement today so we had a little breakfast of raisin bread, bananas and tea and I played her Joanna Newsom's The Milk-Eyed Mender while helping her deal with her (incredibly long) hair. (Right now all I'm thinking is mmmmm... raisin bread.)
After she left, I got all gung-ho about my blog and started to customize it with all these little gadget-thingers...what fun! I'm just gonna put it out there: the internet friggin' rocks. My love for it may be bordering on addiction, but I figure it's better than watching tv. You know those times that you just feel good, not necessarily about anything in general but just, positive, excited? In those moments all I can say to express it is..... I LOVE.
Don't get the wrong impression here. I'm not positive or happy all the time. But I'm learning not to get all hung-up-running when my emotions dip into sadness, anxiety, fear, anger and so on. My tendency is usually to run around in my brain all the possible reasons for said "negative" emotions, desperately trying to make them go away--which I think may just be breeding confusion about emotions that are natural, rather than just letting them flow. On the other hands, sometimes emotional reactions can be manifestations of deeper psychological issues, which I believe are worth exploring.
Fierce Moon: this is about me finding my roots in my wild-goddess-self, my ultra-feminine fierceness, rather than suffocating under the superimposed, socially-conceived conceptions of what I, as a woman, should be. The moon is a significant symbol of the feminine, and planetary influence for me both as a cancer sign and a woman, and I am all about embracing and loving my womanhood, and yours too. Feminism is not about man-hating, it is about woman-loving. "Feminists" do not hate men; rather, they seek to change the male-dominated systems that structure our world. Ever since I was a child I had always thought that I had to be nice, that I had to do the nice thing. If someone did me wrong, being nice and forgiving was the way to deal with it. My feelings have changed a lot since then, and I want this new chapter to be all about letting go of those expectations and listening to my inner Kali, my own feminine strength and power that has been lying dormant all these years. Kindness and forgiveness are important, but so is assertiveness.
This is about finding a balance; being my authentic self.