you know that moment after a particularly challenging or confusing phase of life where you finally come to meet understanding, and think to yourself, "okay life, i've got you figured out now" ? and you feel so free, and clear, and on top of the world? i do. it's a wonderful feeling. it feels like you've reached your destination. you're there. you made it.
with this insatiable passion for understanding i have, this moment is no stranger to me. which means i have also come to know the uncomfortable, questioning, lost, in-between moment that precedes it very well too. what i have noticed in myself and in others is that we all just want to hold on to the feeling of blissful understanding forever. but the thing is that, as long as we are incarnated in these bodies, on this earth plane, we have lessons to learn. this means that life in itself it is a journey in which we are constantly cycling through the purification of challenges, and renewal in the lessons they bring and the understanding that springs forth from this beautiful process.
i want to cultivate the ability to move through these challenges with trust. to not despair at my inability to make sense of things when life gets confusing. to know that nothing is lost in the eyes of God, and by following my heart, no matter where I am, my divine guidance will lead me back home. even more... to love and relish in the feeling of finding my way through the unknown and the sweeter-than-sweet feeling of finally finding what it is i am looking for. but this time, i sit in humbled gratitude and pray, "dearest god and goddess, i now know that i know nothing".
"Outside, the world I had watched for so long was living and breathing on the same earth I now was. But I knew I would not go out. I had taken this time to fall in love instead—in love with the sort of helplessness I had not felt in death—the helplessness of being alive, the dark bright pity of being human—feeling as you went, groping in corners and opening your arms to light—all of it part of navigating the unknown."
-Alice Sebold, The Lovely Bones