I have always had difficulty allowing my light to shine as brightly as it really can. In fact, I really don't even know what it feels like to stand in my soul's luminescence for longer than a few days. Being a highly sensitive and energetic person, I can feel how light makes so many people feel dark and small, and how seeing another person's power can often cause people to make a judgment that arises from a fear of expressing their own power. I believe that I have spent my whole life trying to dim my light and turn off my power so that I can feel "normal". Seeing myself as "empathic" really shifts the way I perceive my experiences, because so much of what I have always felt and assumed were my own feelings have actually been my own experience of what others are feeling.
Like many Indigo children, I grew up feeling quite different from other kids. Although I did not have any context or language to see it at the time, I always felt the wisdom in my own spirit, with a set of moral standards for how beings should treat one another. These values guided me to the path that I am on, but also led me to feel left out and Mother-like among my friends who preferred to gossip and treat one another carelessly. Wondering what was wrong with me, I tried desperately to fit in, although I never abandoned the compass that lived in my heart and always guided me to live as the earth angel that I Am.
From the outside, most people are probably surprised to learn that I am dimming my light, since it would appear that I have never turned off the love that springs from within me. Like most Lightworkers, I have no difficulty in giving love to others. Rather, the struggle I have is in giving this love to myself. Oh, the emotional rollercoasters I have put myself on in order to be distracted from truly rising and living in my Divine Light. I developed a very penetrating fear of egotism, which I have used regularly as a way of sabotoging my evolution into living as my Higher Self, as we are all meant to.
The road to this revelation has been filled with signs and guidance. Many people have sensed that I am afraid of my power, and called me on it. Of course it always helped me to make a positive movement forward, but I have always found that real shifts happen for me when I have a clear and coherent understanding of things. I have lately received several signs and intuitive ideas, all of which are telling me that it is time for me to learn to be more comfortable with my spiritual power; that I must stop shying away from it and learn to see that shining my light makes the world brighter for everyone.
Although I could look at the fears that once held me back as barriers, I am choosing to see them as teachers. My fear of being "different" has taught me to look past the surface energy of any single person--the manifestation of their own perception of who they are--to see the divine light that shines within them--who they truly are. My fear of egotism has taught me that all spiritual power comes from the Divine, and that I heal and shine as a spiritual being who is truly one with God. I choose to perceive my fears as serving a purpose. I choose to move beyond the duality of fear and love, knowing that they can be brought together in balance. These fears have have pulled me back like the elastic in a slingshot, teaching me and preparing me to be set forth into the Light of the universe so that I can live as the love and bliss that is my true nature, and welcome others to live in this place with me.
Blessings, blessings, blessings....In Lak'ech - I am another you. May you see that we are the same. May you always bask in the beauty of your own reflection, as you fall in love with the light that you see in the eyes of another soul.
In great love and infinite gratitude,