fall.

"The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground. ~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoch

to let go is to trust. having faith that in allowing myself to float freely downstream, i will be taken exactly where i need or desire to be. wait....did i say "need or desire," as though the terms could be used interchangeably? that's not right...or is it?

in my experience, i have found that what i desire and what i need can often be two very different, if not opposite, things. this is probably because i have some difficulties with control, and also because often the things i fear are really the things i need most.

on a surface level, i might *desire* to have control over a situation... to be able to avoid the things that i am afraid of. in truth, however, what i really desire, on a much deeper level, is to be free of my fears. and so, what i really *need* is to be given a situation that is scary to me, which provides the opportunity for me to face these fears. very recently, i was given this opportunity, and i took it. what happened was possibly one of the most freeing, humbling, and beautiful experiences i've ever had. to be honest, the trust thing is a lifelong lesson for me, but i am letting it flow and it feels good.... *gulp*... but still scary... kind of like falling through the air with no parachute. *wink*

i am sure that there have been countless instances in which this downstream free-floating has taken me to beautiful places, but it is hard for me to come up with examples of times when i've completely submitted control to the universe when the situation was of any real importance to me. but in my recent trust-ventures, naked freefalling has shown me that the outcome is always nothing like i planned, and nothing i ever could have planned. what would our lives be like if we just sent our most precious dreams and deepest desires into the ethers, let go of them, and allowed the electric current of the stream to take us there? sweet relief! life is not only easy, but it is GLORIOUS!!!

so every day i say to myself..... let go.
you are safe. you are loved. everything you want is downstream, and you don't need paddles. the current will take you there.

look and see

for me, meditation is
like working through a knot.
you sit with yourself
letting it be what it is,
continuously feeling its presence:
without judgment,
just awareness.

and often, just by being there
clarity comes to meet you
and you work out the knot,
moment by moment,
as curiosity moves you
to understanding.

sitting peacefully
before the window to your soul
and pulling back the curtains.

teacher

i've collected books and stories
stepped in footprints of those before me
i've groped in the corners of paths
taken by others on their quests

but the language was foreign,
the way was poorly lit
and i wondered perhaps,
if i would ever find it

my answer, the teacher
who speaks to my soul
who answers my questions
who makes me feel whole

discouraged, i stopped
for a much-needed rest
but like any true seeker,
i kept giving my best

and finally after searching
in the trees and the sand
the most beautiful lotus bloomed
in the palm of my hand

and i knew, in my heart
of all the places i'd been
that the teacher i'd been searching for
was dwelling within.

she illumined my path
a few steps at a time
and i knew with her guidance
that i would be fine

for i found in my heartbeat
my very own song:
a whole universe within me
had been there all along.