In the dew of little things...

The best friends I had as a child were not really friends at all. From those first relationships, I came to believe that my vulnerabilities would always be judged and laughed at, and that my deepest secrets, if shared, would later be used to make me feel small and embarrassed, to make me the butt of a joke. I believed that there were things about me that were so strange or unlovable that I had to forever keep them hidden. I learned that isolation was the only way to stay safe. And for years, in those wounded places, over and over again, I said 'No' to the Love that was radiated purely and genuinely from the hearts of true friends.

My purpose in sharing this is really not to berate those friends for how they treated me. I know that we all do the best we can with what we have, and that the worse the behaviour, the deeper the pain. However, it is still true that my hurting and wounded inner children who were friends with those girls, continued to be a part of my energetic composition, and that the beliefs I developed as a result of those relationships continued to play a role in my life.

Eventually, I grew too aware and too tired of living in distrust and protecting my self-esteem in the presence of others. I knew that the fear that lived in me was raised from a foundation of false friendships. I longed to let others into my inner world without being on guard for their judgments. I wanted to be free of the dark voices that lived in my wounds. I wanted to really feel the love that was given to me, and to truly believe that every part of me was worthy of that love.

Thank Heavens for Healers. Almost every day, I thank Spirit for Tanis. As a Healer, Teacher, and Mentor, Tanis has helped me not only to heal my wounds, but to illuminate them with the Love and Light of Spirit. From our relationship, I have learned that there is absolutely nothing about me that is unlovable. She lives in and radiates the pure and unconditional love of Spirit, and from her shining example I know that I too can become so deeply aligned with my true spiritual nature while also being grounded on earth in the physical reality.

Having come to her with all the wishes and longings I'd been feeling, Tanis guided me through a massive healing in which I was able to call forth all my wounded inner children who knew those girls, and empower and heal them by getting them reconnected with Spirit. In the healing I released the false beliefs through the ability to see that my mean friends were also deeply wounded, and that their unkind words and behaviours came from an unloved -and as a result, unloving- place, desperately seeking gratification in whatever form seemed to hold that potential. My inner children learned that they had the power to choose which friends they believed they deserved, and to choose not to surround themselves with people who hurt them. They were affirmed and supported in their feelings that they are important and worthy of friends who are as loving as they are. Then I called in the energies of some of my current friends, whose presence I knew would show my inner children how loving friends can be. It would take far too much time and space here to relay all the details of our session, but I hope it will suffice to say that all those patterns and beliefs were simply gone.

Tanis and I were both in awe at the end of our session. I felt so fresh and new. And now, almost as though it is for the first time, I am stepping out into the world of intimate, trusting relationships and letting my friends into my inner world. I am intentionally laying down brand new love-infused beliefs and patterns related to relationships. And after all those years I spent avoiding close relationships, days before my 24th birthday, I am rejoicing to see that real divine love can be shared and reflected through people. Finally, I am able to clearly see how deeply and unconditionally my friends love me, and how there are people in my world who I can really trust.

Today I was feeling rather sensitive and introverted, so I decided to cancel some plans I made with my friend Tyler despite feeling worried he might be offended. He replied by saying he totally understood, everything is okay, and that he feels it's important to honour one's true feelings. I wrote Sasha that I could use some love and he sang a song for me on my answering machine. I asked Chantelle to meet me for a smoothie and some girl time and she came at the drop of a hat. Later she wrote me to say thank you for the smoothie and the talk, and that I am a true blessing in her life. It is incredible to me that reciprocal giving in my relationships is so natural and effortless that I don't even realize it's happening. I feel like I am always receiving, and yet I am always giving too. Weeks ago I cried to my friend Adrienne, saying that after years of trying to be someone others wanted, I didn't know who I was, and she said, "I know who you are. I have seen every possible side of you and I still think you're the most beautiful, powerful woman I know." Adam, who used to be my lover and is now an incredibly close friend, told me immediately when he began developing feelings for someone new, just to respect me and make sure I felt comfortable. We hugged and released each other.

I cried tonight when I realized that the friends of my dreams are right here, and that I am the person I've always longed to be. I didn't have to change who I am, I only had to release the beliefs that who I am isn't good enough. I am attracting friends who are as loving to me as I to them.

The only thing I feel I have left to say is Thank You, to my Friends, and to Spirit. I pray to live and reflect more and more divine love in my relationships with each new day. May we all receive the millions of 'I Love You's' that come our way each day, through even the simplest of gestures. May we all know how it feels to have an open, flowing heart.

"Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let the best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

bare naked heart

my heart aches to know its own magic;
to send with each exhale a song of the moment.

a celebration of every experience,
that knows no judgment
but rejoices in the pure beauty
of knowing new faces of life.

intimately, and deeply, i embrace each experience.
like a summertime romance that is fleeting but deep
an imprint with depth due not to time spent,
but love shared and magic made.

oh, come join me, let's take down our walls.
so truth can flow between us, its clear resonance sung, and heard, and held.
and we sigh and relax with relief at the sound of this music we all so long to hear
simply named: authenticity.

there is nothing of which to be afraid, for we are eternally held
cocooned by the grace and love of one spirit that lives and breathes in us all.
just look in my eyes and you'll see i'm sincere, you'll know that i know it's true:
there's nothing you could ever think, say, or do, that could keep Spirit from loving YOU.

feeling this love inside me,
i look back on my past selves with deep compassion.
all the effort and worrying i put into making the "right" choices, and pleasing those around me
thinking that love had to be earned and could just as easily be taken away.
but now that i know i am cradled in a deep embrace of complete unconditional love,
all i keep thinking is: I have sooooooo much fun and mistake-making to catch up on!

so i've let down my locks and dropped my defenses
the sign on my door has been tossed.
my heart is wide open, my shoes kicked away
and rain or shine,
i'm gonna DANCE.

(dance with me!)

emerging

what does a butterfly feel in her cocoon in those final moments before she emerges?

for right now, i fancy that i am like a butterfly, still in my cocoon. but it is no longer serving me, and i can feel that my spirit has grown much too big to be encased in the confines of my old self.

in merciful surrender, i look upon and lift up all the circular patterns of pain, fear and woundedness that once shaped and defined my reality, and i let them go. oh, how small i have been kept by those patterns, feeling scared, separated, isolated, alone.

in my yearning to be free of them i now see them clearly as an illusory protective encasing that did nothing but keep me from flying freely in the winds of love. no longer, though, for this cocoon has become unbearable and is soon about to burst. my commitment to healing moves me through its walls, and fully transformed - i will emerge.

heart of hearts

tears leak through the cracks in a closed heart of hearts, the closed heart that was buried and forgotten within my heart.
the heart of hearts that lives beneath layers and layers of self;
layers of self feeling less and less real each day.
watery pain and hurt that once felt hard, now feel soft; once disguised as cold and hard now revealed: a young weeping child within me yearning to be known and loved.
waters, break open the shell, that my heart be all i am;
not enclosed, not encased, but free, naked, moving, flowing, water.

In Lak'ech

I have always had difficulty allowing my light to shine as brightly as it really can. In fact, I really don't even know what it feels like to stand in my soul's luminescence for longer than a few days. Being a highly sensitive and energetic person, I can feel how light makes so many people feel dark and small, and how seeing another person's power can often cause people to make a judgment that arises from a fear of expressing their own power. I believe that I have spent my whole life trying to dim my light and turn off my power so that I can feel "normal". Seeing myself as "empathic" really shifts the way I perceive my experiences, because so much of what I have always felt and assumed were my own feelings have actually been my own experience of what others are feeling.

Like many Indigo children, I grew up feeling quite different from other kids. Although I did not have any context or language to see it at the time, I always felt the wisdom in my own spirit, with a set of moral standards for how beings should treat one another. These values guided me to the path that I am on, but also led me to feel left out and Mother-like among my friends who preferred to gossip and treat one another carelessly. Wondering what was wrong with me, I tried desperately to fit in, although I never abandoned the compass that lived in my heart and always guided me to live as the earth angel that I Am.

From the outside, most people are probably surprised to learn that I am dimming my light, since it would appear that I have never turned off the love that springs from within me. Like most Lightworkers, I have no difficulty in giving love to others. Rather, the struggle I have is in giving this love to myself. Oh, the emotional rollercoasters I have put myself on in order to be distracted from truly rising and living in my Divine Light. I developed a very penetrating fear of egotism, which I have used regularly as a way of sabotoging my evolution into living as my Higher Self, as we are all meant to.

The road to this revelation has been filled with signs and guidance. Many people have sensed that I am afraid of my power, and called me on it. Of course it always helped me to make a positive movement forward, but I have always found that real shifts happen for me when I have a clear and coherent understanding of things. I have lately received several signs and intuitive ideas, all of which are telling me that it is time for me to learn to be more comfortable with my spiritual power; that I must stop shying away from it and learn to see that shining my light makes the world brighter for everyone.

Although I could look at the fears that once held me back as barriers, I am choosing to see them as teachers. My fear of being "different" has taught me to look past the surface energy of any single person--the manifestation of their own perception of who they are--to see the divine light that shines within them--who they truly are. My fear of egotism has taught me that all spiritual power comes from the Divine, and that I heal and shine as a spiritual being who is truly one with God. I choose to perceive my fears as serving a purpose. I choose to move beyond the duality of fear and love, knowing that they can be brought together in balance. These fears have have pulled me back like the elastic in a slingshot, teaching me and preparing me to be set forth into the Light of the universe so that I can live as the love and bliss that is my true nature, and welcome others to live in this place with me.

Blessings, blessings, blessings....In Lak'ech - I am another you. May you see that we are the same. May you always bask in the beauty of your own reflection, as you fall in love with the light that you see in the eyes of another soul.

In great love and infinite gratitude,

~Becca Moon*

i am love

i love my walks in calloused bare feet. skipping, meandering, greeting trees, twirling, stopping for spontaneous asanas. tiptoe-ing about the gravel,sighing in gratitude and relief when the gravel path turns to dark, flat, smooth dirt
and her cool, soft earth-love hugs my feet and toes. i feel her energy rise up through me to my soul star; a soft caress that says I Love You over and over again.
she knows my name, and i know hers too...mama earth.

although she will meet me anywhere,i have a favourite meeting place. it is nestled behind the street where my home is, where i have lived for 23 years. my roots are deep here, and in this place, the trees, plants, and I need no introduction. sometimes i plant small pink rose quartz crystals in the earth at the foot of the tree who gave me a much-needed hug, or a piece of chocolate in a discrete place where only the fairies can find it. yes, i am of the earth. this sacred remembrance is no longer just a memory, but a present reality that really is a gift.

and just as much as i walk the dirt trails of the forest, i also walk the path to understanding. it is not unlike the paths in the forest. rough, hilly, unpleasant at times. then suddenly, relieving, loving, calming, soft, gentle...for a while. yes... every time i think i've got it all figured out, the universe picks me up, turns me upside down and shakes me, all the pieces coming apart and falling to the ground in a disarray. when it happened over and over again, i began to wonder... perhaps the lesson is not to make sense of it all, but to realize that i know nothing. except, maybe, that i am love. i am loved. i love.

because in those moments when nothing seems to make sense, i run in tears to my mama. earth mama, that is. if nothing else, i know she loves me, that she is always there, and that in her love i can be both lost, and found too. for losing myself in her arms means becoming love. being one with love. and the sacred remembrance is reignited: love is all i am, love is all there is, love is all there ever will be.

so my loves, my message to you is: enjoy being lost. it means you are one step closer to being found.

~*~

"Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God."
-A Course in Miracles

fall.

"The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground. ~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoch

to let go is to trust. having faith that in allowing myself to float freely downstream, i will be taken exactly where i need or desire to be. wait....did i say "need or desire," as though the terms could be used interchangeably? that's not right...or is it?

in my experience, i have found that what i desire and what i need can often be two very different, if not opposite, things. this is probably because i have some difficulties with control, and also because often the things i fear are really the things i need most.

on a surface level, i might *desire* to have control over a situation... to be able to avoid the things that i am afraid of. in truth, however, what i really desire, on a much deeper level, is to be free of my fears. and so, what i really *need* is to be given a situation that is scary to me, which provides the opportunity for me to face these fears. very recently, i was given this opportunity, and i took it. what happened was possibly one of the most freeing, humbling, and beautiful experiences i've ever had. to be honest, the trust thing is a lifelong lesson for me, but i am letting it flow and it feels good.... *gulp*... but still scary... kind of like falling through the air with no parachute. *wink*

i am sure that there have been countless instances in which this downstream free-floating has taken me to beautiful places, but it is hard for me to come up with examples of times when i've completely submitted control to the universe when the situation was of any real importance to me. but in my recent trust-ventures, naked freefalling has shown me that the outcome is always nothing like i planned, and nothing i ever could have planned. what would our lives be like if we just sent our most precious dreams and deepest desires into the ethers, let go of them, and allowed the electric current of the stream to take us there? sweet relief! life is not only easy, but it is GLORIOUS!!!

so every day i say to myself..... let go.
you are safe. you are loved. everything you want is downstream, and you don't need paddles. the current will take you there.